you incite me to chorus

beautiful surprise, beautiful struggle

so this weekend (beginning thursday, as i had thurs-saturday off) was pretty good. I had orientation, so I'm officially a college of charleston student. Wow, this summer is almost over, isn't it? I got my ID card, my schedule...declared my major (officially...and it's not history anymore) and yeh.

then friday two really great friends from chapel hill came down for the weekend to visit me. Vanessa and Warren. And i'm soo thankful they did. But i think when it was time to leave, I felt a little sad.Leaving chapel hill wasn't that hard - i was busy with RA stuff, checking residents out, people busy with exams and such that you dont have time to muse over the reality and finality of things. then it just sort of washed over me that i wont see them as often anymore.

i have to say that i didn't really expect anyone from chapel hill to visit me - i mean, it's a 5 hour drive. i sort of expected to dissipate into the state of south carolina, chapel hill barely even knowing i was there. so when they said they were coming, i immediately got happy. I mean, here, i dont know anyone past the few guys i've met, and the people i work with - but it's not a relationship where you want to hang out after work hours, you know? so i'm pretty lonely most of the time - working on poetry, reading books, sleeping, working 50 billion hours a week only to give it to my landlord at the end of the month. life is hard. i wondered for a while if i was depressed. i look at how happy and at home i was this weekend while they were here...and i realize i havent found a niche here, and it'll be hard, starting in the middle: in medias res. it sort of made me realize that perhaps i had a niche at chapel hill, i just didn't take advantage of it.

so what do i do for these next two years? how will things turn out? a part of me just wants to finish school, not make any commitments, if i meet people, it happens, if not oh well. i can suck it up for two years then be on my way. but i guess i would at least like to be happy for a little while, for once.

in other news: yeh...my two year time-limit for publishing (other than going the self-publishing route) seems to be more realistic the more i think about query letters and such. and even worse, a lot of people are looking for "poetic dedication" shown through a large publishing curriculum vitae and well, i was published in a high school lit mag, but that i doubt counts as much.

anyways. i have the rest of the day/evening off. who knows what i'll get into.

posted by De'La @ 7/10/2005 01:33:00 PM